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Last day of the Roman year... and what a doozy!

1/1/2016

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Today is the last day of December, known as the pridie (prior-day) Kalendas January (Day Before the Kalends of January).

Originally there were ten months beginning with March (Mars) and ending with December (Tenth). But January and February were added to the front, making the tenth month now the twelfth. January is named after Janus, the two-faced god that looks both backwards and forwards, symbolizing both endings and beginnings.

On this day in 192 AD the Emperor Commodus was assassinated. He was the son of Marcus Aurelius, the so-called "philosopher emperor", who was silly enough to hand the throne to his own boy instead of giving it to the best man for the job, as the previous emperors of Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian, and Pius had done during the "period of the Five good emperors".

Commodus was infamous for fighting as a gladiator in the arena, something that brought almost as much shame on the throne as Nero singing. Commodus was not without some physical skill, reputed to have killed 100 lions with 100 javelin casts, and used crescent-headed arrows to shoot the heads off running ostriches that kept on trotting along headless for the amusement of the crowd. He was evidently not as hopeless as the emperor depicted as the opponent of Russel Crowe in the movie Gladiator.

However, Commodus had grown increasingly megalomaniacal and paranoid, commanding summary executions for trivial crimes. When his favorite concubine Marcia discovered a hand-written list with her name on it, she feared the worst, and so decided to poison Commodus first. When he vomited up the concoction, the terrified Marcia urged him into his nice relaxing hot bath. She then inveigled the emperor's wrestling companion, the slave Narcissus, to strangle him.

What an ignoble end for the mighty Commodus - instead of dying gloriously in the arena as shown in the Hollywood movie Gladiator - he instead drowned in his bath, kicking and screaming Latin curses as he went under, and then the bubbles on the water - pop, pop, pop - until finally Marcia pats Narcissus on the shoulder and hisses "Vixit!"

"Vixit" means "he has lived" and was the standard Roman death notice to avoid saying the unlucky word "Death". Perhaps the list that Marcia found only had her name on it because she was to be one of the guests at a surprise party? Now we will never know.
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Marcia: "Idiot! Why the heck did you strangle him all soaking wet on my favorite tiger skin?!" Narcissus: "Sorry, Domina, the marble floor was too slippery!"
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